Just Submit The Damn Thing

Yesterday, I felt triumph for a brief moment. It was due to my finishing a press release I have agreed to work on a couple of days ago. I'm trying my best to hold on to those feelings so that I crave it in my other 4 unfinished essays. Last term I knew that this term was going to be busy, yet I'm still treating it like I have all the time in the world. Like an essay that I can just conjure out of thin air even though I know it requires months of research to fully internalise the things I have to write.

Sure, maybe I didn't do that either with my essays last term and I scored pretty decently, but it sure as hell is going to be more difficult to wing 5 essays in comparison to two. Goddammit, I only had two essays to write last term that is nuts.

Anyway, tomorrow is when the hardwork starts. The only way I know how; scheduling all of the things I'm not supposed to be doing when there's only a week left before deadlines in between my short writing stints and cramming everything in the last minute anyway. I'm trying to compress that timeframe into every weekday, so that I do a shit ton of productive stuff. My thought process goes like this: if I panic everyday I get more done.

Instilling the panic is hard.

Today, one of my favourite YouTubers, Brian Jordan Alvarez (whom I've suspected but now have confirmed knowledge is a multi-talented genius) was riffing on on one of his 'formless chats'. He brought up journalling, and how you're trying to grasp at every memory before it fades away because even the most beautiful things tend to get misremembered. There's also the excitement of putting everything down ON SOMETHING (paper, blog, social media statutes, well not InstaStories because they eventually disappear) while it's still fresh.

Putting my mind to that now. Nothing much happened today. Wondered while I washing the dishes and the red soap started bubbling up in the washing dish tray whether I should reconfirm with Claudia, just so you know I really like her. Would that be too early to say openly even though there have been hints and compliments and flirtatious overtones throughout? If I say it too early will it mean even less the longer we have to be in this Covid-19 lockdown, because I'd have to spend more time giving her something to look forward to?

Will I even be around? Is the supervolcano in Yellowstone going to erupt this year?

I don't know.

SciShow released a video today about 4 Things That Are Evolving In Humans Right Now. Pretty cool stuff. Some of them include resistance to arsenic poisoning that some indigenous Andean populations have developed, others include the increasing of average height (with nutrition taken into consideration of course), human alleles changing against the development of Alzheimers in future human generations (which, if the trends continue, is good news) and I think one more was our ability to drink milk. Have to watch that again.

I realise this journalling thing - back when I did it in my early years of college - was also supposed to be a documentation of the things I learned. All of the videos I watch, the articles I read, the books I peruse, those things shouldn't fade away. They should be written down, memorised by the forces of muscle movements subconsciously associating and dissociating raw facts with action. Raw information, sorry.

But, as you can tell from all of the stupid posts I've been posting recently (well, not stupid, maybe 'formless (formless is slowly becoming my new favourite word), I've been more inclined to document emotions and experiences that are not just data - that are automatistic manifestations of myself and the things I feel. Ugh so stupid.

I had other thoughts.

Oh, several years down the line since I've first thought of it, I still think human beings are the coolest in spite of everything because we can leave legacies beyond genetic codes. From scientific knowledge to viral videos.

Hopefully, we all stick around. Anyway, wish me luck, Journal (not sure whether to anthropomorphise this blog yet).