The Afterlife of The Party

This was the scene.

"It's too late"
"Was it ever early? Why did you call me here?"
"He's gone"
"Who?"
"Him"

It was a Thursday evening and everyone was in their rooms, asleep, condemned in analogies.
So appropriately awkward that another police siren blared exactly 2 minutes later.
Polly was too tired to think but not restful enough to lie down. The pub that night was without drama or plot, an image of violent violet fluorescent over dusty mugs and ashtrays.

The chair was there, and on it was her.

"It's too late"
"You're still here"
"Did you hang yourself?"
"What? What is this an irish joke?"
"Did you?"
"...I don't remember"

The stairs, there was nothing else to remember. The biggest harm of all. Discerning memories off a sea of perspective and paradox. To choose to forget. To choose to...

"You don't understand"
"No one understands you"
"It was the night, the negros, the voodoo"

It did turn to morning, that was certain. She woke up denying that she ever slept.

Which side of the bed did I get off or not,
I've forgotten,
So it can't be real.

Is it graffiti if other people won't be able to see it?
Or is the whole point just to damage property through honest acrylic?

Verona March, Prostitute, 21:
I wasn't there, I doubt anyone was. It was all noisy and shit I expected something exciting ya know. To think it was just. Blasphemy. I wasted a good client on that.

"Report says she's never taken any recs or medication, sir"
"Report?"
"Yes sir, I took it out from the archives sir, just like you asked.."
"...there's something ...dodgy about this"
"I feel it too, sir"

If I close my eyes,
Then maybe I won't feel.

The sun doesn't smile on the concrete form of men but it smiles on the obedience to illusory.
Polly occupies a diner now. To see others, was to see pass a torn barrier of reflections.

"You know I'd still give you your soup, honey. No matter what you tell me"
"Because you're kind, I know"
"Share it with me, it'll be fun. Awkward, as always. But fun"
"Doesn't love just seem to blind you, Doris"
"God is great when love is blind"
"God?"

When you're on the brink of a cliff, and you feel no fear of jumping off, you feel no urge to turn back. You feel that there's nothing stopping you. There is no external force guiding you. You're free. To choose but never to be chosen. Existence. That's what it is.

In the trash can. Post-it notes on the window panes. As though someone was trying to dwell in the ecstasy of routine while filtering out any sense of hope. Because hope is a nursery rhyme.

Specifically this one.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly
And put them to bed.

"So what's the special today?"
"I can't tell you"
"Well, if it matters that much...."
"Haha, shut up"

Sleeping next to him was a long-lived enigma. She could see what he was doing to me. She could see what I was doing to him. She could see everything. And yet know nothing.

Rain often loses itself inside it's own fading choreography. But this dance seemed like it was going to last forever.

"Did I really kill myself?"
"Well, I don't know. But you were leaving that's for sure"
"Come on, Lilith. You know"
"Never more than I know the funeral dates of the stars, Polly"
"Are you comparing me to a star?"
"Don't flatter yourself"

Lilith,victim's best friend, 19:
They had to destroy the door.

"No one cares if you die"
"You would, wouldn't you?"
"That's because I am no one"
"How did we get here?"
"Shit Polly, we're in a damn pub, have some sense of doubtful intuition once in awhile"
"Alright"
"You hear that? The fuzz is here. Some prostitute probably offered Sgt. Pepper some uninhibited love, I bet"
"What can I do?"
"Leave something behind"

Drawing pictures in my mind,
Trying to feel my pain

Polly was mad at the violinist. To play a tune that resonates into the emptiness of an alley would just get you killed. Maybe that's exactly why he's here. To welcome salvation but to prepare drinks for death.To say fuck religion but hail Satan.

"They're not giving us any information"
"But what are we investigating? A disappearance?"
"Can anyone really confirm absence? We're cops, Ravi, not philosophers. Heck, I can't even philosophize my way out of a donut"
"Yeah, what happens if we have to murder one?"
"Murder what? A donut?"
"No, sir"
"I wouldn't. Not now anyways"

Follow the porcelain kitchen sets. Forget semen, blood and hair strands. A legacy is never deliberately a sin.

"Don't burn the curtains!"
"SHHHHH..do you believe in heaven?"
"What?"
"Heaven? You know, happiest place possible? Heaven?"
"......why now? When you're burning my curtains? What has paradise got to do with a piece of fabric cotton?"
"Answer my question"
"WHO ARE YOU"
"You've thrown yourself too far into the pit, Polly, I am nothing as you are nothing as everything you see right now is nothing.Save for the only thing that you can't even see"
"I just thought you'd be sleeping with me..that's all.."
"I did"
"...the cops are here"

If lust can be exuded through reluctance, then why not anger through composure?

I try to bend it,
And it hurts

"Uptown, 60th Ave"
"Yes, miss"
"You can see me..."
"I wouldn't be a taxi driver if I can't see, would I,miss?"
"You talk funny, where are you from?"
"Nowhere"
"Before nowhere?"
"Oh..Czechoslovakia"
"I'm glad. Finally, someone I haven't seen in my entire life"
"You don't go out too often, eh miss?"
"The people here are all the same..er.."
"Faris"
"Yes, Faris. They're all the same here"
"You're saying such a sad thing but you're smiling like an angel"
"Haha, 60th Ave is pretty far isn't it?"
"With the traffic, it will seem far"
"As long as it takes forever"



New Jersey, 13 March - _______murdered through immolation. ______ no remains found.______premises undamaged.__________woman's identity non-existent. A man who calls himself The Painter __________________.

Strips of paper cuttings were left to fly across the checkered kitchen floors of a newly rented apartment. A cat trailing along between the legs of a refugee. Not to run away. Just to stay somewhere else for quite awhile.

I'm another too endless,
So do you think I should end this?

Sin Where?

Clouds are marching along,
Singing a song,
Just like they do,
If the clouds were singing a song,
I'd sing along,
Wouldn't you to?

If you just knew what they could do,
If you just knew what would they do.

And if the birds are just lettered words,
Flying along, singing a song,
What would they do, if they just knew,
What they could do, if they just knew.


You know I'm glad,
That I never gave a damn about the weather,
Cause it never gave a damn about me.

I know it's mad,
But if I dig a well, will you dig with me,
Or just leave?

I know it's mad,
But if it was time I was defending,
Will you just leave me?

Clouds are singing a song,
Marking my wrongs,
Just like you do,
If the clouds were playing a song,
I'd play along,
Wouldn't you too?

If you just knew,
What they could do,
If you just knew,
What would they do,

And if the words are just feathered birds,
Flying a love, Singing a soft,
What would they do, if they just knew,
What we could do, if they just knew.

I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather,
And it never gave a damn about me,
No, it never gave a damn about me.

And I know it's mad,
But if you broke and fell, I'd call the doctor,
And just leave.

I know it's sad,
That if the sky was bending I would kiss thee,
And just leave.

Cause they never gave a damn about me.