Heartburns

Great things can happen during tough times.

Great things that stay with you, make you smile, during days of peace and white porches.

I'm Dracula, Bitch

Hi. I dreamt you were married to him. & I paid an unauthorized visit to ur house to burn the bed you sleep in while you make love. Hot sex.

Hey. I dreamt I pushed you off the cliff and he would try to save you.
And as he bends down to reach your hand I kick him off the cliff too.

I'm not jealous.
I just want you to know that he's a dick & I want you to pay for all your malice.
I guess dicks are meant for each other.

Know that the countless times u broke my heart has made me heartless. Now I won't feel so guilty if I murder you and feed you to the walrus.

Hi Sue

I wanna feel the rope around my neck

and have a second chance.

Is that why fate brought me to this hole,

this cruel hopeful dance?

Life wrangles you,

throws you into the sea.

While Living is you swimming

to a land that might not be.

They say there's worth left in me,

so I must hope to live.

But my worth is naught more than utility,

Like an object or a gift.

For maybe when I become

the cemetery's tree.

I will run from all emotions

and become useful for the weak.

And you have all sighed

for my lack of confidence,

I will stand and give you shelter,

For what lies in pertinence.

And smirks the priest with greying hair

In his eulogy,

"Here he lies, this sad old boy,

who's gonna burn for free"

But little do they know

That a bird they have set free,

Shitting on the heads of sheep

While feeding on my dreams.

I screech "Oh, is this afterlife?

The land that I shall be?

I wonder if die again,

oh higher will I be?"

For where is solace, when home is not able to house a wet face?

.

Seasons of the Dawn

Way to go, new year snow.

All the paths they pave you.

For all the times you left the warmth.

To makers of the late dew.

When carapaces shed, the leaves all dead.

I'll make sure you come home instead.

Sadder Days.

When you're heading nowhere, there's no such thing as being lost.

Wasted Hours of Truth

Let's go back to the illusion, the magic show we indulged ourselves in.

The awkward phasing of silence that we chose to embrace as moments of contemplation, & moments of tolerance.

Let's get hurt while trying to keep ourselves alive.

For I may not take you in, or perceive you as the mega pyrotechnics display now.

But why should that ever imply that what we have can never be real?

Maybe, the great fireworks show blinded me.

Maybe I'm just looking for something wrong.

Maybe I should stop looking.

I feel entrapped by the concept of necessary evil.

I should just not contemplate of the possibility of danger.

Life is meant to be appreciated. Not loved.

The greatest truth is the breath we take.

& one does not love breathing.

Hello Me (Prologue of Zimism)

So I have decided that this holy month, I want to rediscover myself, and reaffirm the stance I'm going to take towards life, everything from my belief in a deity to my relationship with people.

Before this, I've been going through life day-by-day as a philosophical fence-sitter. In almost all aspects.

I acknowledge that there are things you can't 'sit on a fence' about and are things that are automatically compliant to my principles.

Moral principles like the wrongness of child rape, mass genocide,etc.

Theological adherence like the existence of God/gods/deities and His/Her/Their/ role as creators in the universe.

But among other things, I did not believe in absolute truth. Specifically, not being biased or party to any side, but claiming that everyone has their faults, and certain attributes has to be taken on a selective basis and conglomerated as "situational truths"

No absolute truth in political parties, ideologies, specific peoples, religions, etc.

My view towards spirituality was all-encompassing. I am not an empiricist, (if I was I would've been an atheist), neither am I an agnostic (because I believe transcendent realities can be proven, even if it's not necessary to do so).

I was saddened by the narrow concept I was raised up in, that a particular mode of prayer was the only one acceptable, and I grew to found out other truths regarding mediums or methods of reaching spirituality.

It was Noetic science that taught me that the focusing of the mind through meditation or prayer have the potential to alter matter, i.e. reality itself.

And it wasn't specific to how the Buddhists did it, or how the Muslims prostrate on the ground.

I accepted that principle, so I didn't believe spirituality had to be discarded even if I wasn't taking sides.

But that must mean that I'm taking a secular stance? That I'm saying that religion is something personal towards an individual?

Personal? Perhaps. Secular? Not entirely.

First of all, may I remind myself that I also consider political ideologies as non-absolute, be it democracy, communism, socialism or monarchies. And that in no absolute circumstance did I say any 'worldly' ideologies had the right to supersede theocratic beliefs, or disassociate itself from them. But so is it the other way around.

My maxim living through this adamant state of a-partisan and a-religiosity is "If there can be many fictions, why can't there be many truths?"

But I believed in deities/deity and I did not have faith in the universe coming into being on its own.

But I disapproved of the idea that God plays ant farm with the universe, putting in ants just to see how they behave, and then later decide whether they go to hell or heaven later on.

This simplistic notion of purpose for human creation disgusted me.

But I believed in Him/Her/Them existing and providing, and sustaining the continuity of the universe simply because of the beauty of Existence in all of it's rationality, irrationality, organisation and randomness.

I also didn't believe that this deity had to be an organism. That it could be a Force.

Did I believe the universe was predetermined? No. But I dwelt in the romantic concepts of coincidences and irony. I love literature, and human creativity. The love for all things abstract motivated me to ask more questions, and that life isn't about finding infallible answers.

I believed in the existence of many realities (refer to maxim above), in the possibility of fantasy worlds, in the existence of other beings, the existence of other dimensions.

I did not believe that life needed a Purpose. Or even Existence or Creation.

I did not believe in Good Vs Evil. No ultimate Satanic figure. No ultimate fighters of Justice like Jesus, Buddha or Muhammad (note: not of their existence, but of their infallibility). I believe Man can serve right within society and among Man as a whole, but there are no absolute methods, and things are always situational. Machiavelli would come close tot his, but his ignorance of moral highs are not within my principles.

Moral principles are questionable, but practicality should never be based on simple quantity.

I did not believe in dogmatic moral principles, or 'social safety nets'. Like the advocacy of certain religions disallowing casual relationships between men and women simply because of the fear of social chaos, jealousy, adultery and later the destruction of the family institution (I was laughing while I wrote that). Or the automatic disapproval of fornication, or premarital sex, and the downright oppression of homosexuals and homosexuality. The argument of things not being 'natural' is also something I discard. Normality is changeable, and nature itself changes and evolves. If you want to claim that it isn't natural, animals (last time I checked they were part of Nature) practice homosexual intercourse too. The list of 'social safety nets'' are almost endless in today's society.

When people ask what I believe in, and if I trust them enough to be understanding and not acerbic towards my statement, I would tell them that I'm a theist (latin theo - god, ist - believer) but I do not believe in absolute truth.

This month what I'm planning to do is to reaffirm all of these things, write them down, and find out where I stand in as many things as possible.

I will pray, the way Muslims pray, and find spiritual serenity through that, because that's the only way I know how to reach spiritual serenity and utter focus so far hoping that contemplation would be fruitful.

But I'm not trying to find an ultimate answer. If I do along the way, I hope I know what I'm doing.